Understanding the Stages of Grief
Grief is a natural response to loss or anticipated loss. For patients and families facing a serious illness and the possibility of hospice care, grief often begins long before a death occurs. The five stages of grief may begin when you receive a terminal diagnosis and may progress as you and your family navigate treatments, changing health status and the unknown.
Understanding your feelings is an important first step. The five stages of grief-denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance-provide a framework for what you may experience. While these stages are common, everyone's journey is unique. You may not experience all five stages of grief, or you may experience them in a different order. When understand your feelings, you will be better equipped to reach out to the hospice care team for support.
What are the five stages of grief?
Although they are not linear, the five stages of grief include: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
- Denial
- 憤怒
- Bargaining
- 憂鬱
- Acceptance
Denial
When first hearing a serious diagnosis and consider hospice care, it's common to feel numb or have a sense of disbelief. You might think, "This can't be happening" or "There must be a mistake."
Denial is a natural defense mechanism that helps your mind process difficult news. It is okay to need time. The hospice care team can offer a patient and honest presence, providing clear information and support when you are ready to talk.
憤怒
Feelings of anger can arise unexpectedly. You may feel frustrated with the illness, a sense of unfairness, or irritation toward others.
This is a normal part of grieving and an attempt to find control in a situation that feels uncontrollable. It can be helpful to find constructive ways to express these emotions. Speaking with a counselor, joining a support group, or simply labeling your feelings can help reduce their intensity.
Bargaining
During this stage, you might find yourself making "if only" statements or trying to make deals with a higher power. For example, "If I do this, maybe the illness will go away."
Bargaining is an effort to regain control and postpone the inevitable. It often includes feelings of guilt or wondering "what if." The VITAS hospice care team, including chaplains and social workers, provides a nonjudgmental space to voice these thoughts and offer comfort.
憂鬱
As the reality of the illness becomes clearer, a deep sadness may set in. This is a normal and expected part of the grieving process. Symptoms can include:
- Frequent crying
- Changes in sleep or appetite
- Withdrawing from activities and people you once enjoyed
- A persistent feeling of heaviness
Symptoms of depression are not signs of weakness. Depression is a natural response to profound loss. If these feelings become overwhelming, the hospice care team can provide guidance and direct you to the appropriate resources and support.
Acceptance
Acceptance doesn't mean you're "okay" with the loss or that the pain has gone away. It means you are learning to live with the reality of it. You may find moments of peace, begin to plan for the future or feel open to making new memories. Acceptance looks different for everyone.
Coping with grief and finding support
This journey doesn't end once the stages run their course. If you find yourself circling back through feelings you thought you'd left behind, or if new feelings arise, know that ongoing support is available. Explore our broader resources about coping with grief and where to find grief support. Let the community around you-family, friends, other families in hospice, and the VITAS team-remind you that you're not alone in any part of this process, from the first diagnosis through the days after a death.
Find out if hospice care can help your loved one:
Call VITAS at 800.582.9533.