喪親的您如何面對新年

接受新年的到來

當我們悲傷時,要度過來臨的每一天都非常艱難。要面對橫亙在我們前面的新的一整年更是令人怯步。我們可能會害怕新年可能帶來些什麼。我們可能會擔心我們是否能夠挺得住任何更多的挑戰。我們目前經歷到的空虛和寂寞可能使我們不願意去面對新的一年。

我們可能會對自己說,「我曾經是那麼忙碌。我曾經感覺那麼被需要、那麼有用。現在看來除了空洞的空間和空洞的時間以外就什麼都沒有了。」 早上醒來不知道我們這一天該做什麼,已經夠糟糕了;而我們接下來一整年該做什麼呢?

渴望挽回過去,有時會讓我們抗拒接受新的一年。過去往往令我們感到舒適、感到安全、感到美好。我們今天承受著哀傷的負擔,我們擔心新的一年對我們也將不會有任何不同。我們非常渴望我們想念的親人,以及我們與其共度的珍貴過去。我們想著那一切,並且希望我們回到那裡。

新年的來臨對於不同的哀傷者可能具有不同的意義。我們歡迎、恐懼或是忽略新年,可能會視我們處在哀傷過程的階段而定。問題不在於哀傷是否會表現出來,而是在於哀傷會如何表現出來,以及我們將如何處理。

一種學習過程

If your loss was recent, sudden or unexpected, you might experience it as a shock, as if you're living a bad dream or someone else's life, trying desperately to get back to your "old" life. The last thing on your mind might be the challenge of a new year. Writing or talking repeatedly about the death of your loved one might make you feel numb or detached. Eventually, you might realize that your life is not what you thought it would be, that your world has changed.

著名的哀傷輔導師兼作家德蕾絲‧蘭多(Therese Rando)將哀傷描述為一種「學習過程」。 Each minute with a loved one created patterns of how to operate and what to expect. Each new challenge, like doing the taxes, fixing things, and going into a new year, becomes a fresh occasion to accept the absence of your loved one and find new ways to cope, even if new challenges bring fresh pain.

As you courageously work through your grief over time, you eventually will find the strength to look to the new year with interest and wonder about what it might hold. Maybe you'll feel eager to welcome change, now that your grief has started to ease.

You might find comfort and joy in knowing that you did all that you could and loved well. Enriched by the love you once enjoyed, you can now show deeper compassion for all who suffer. You eventually will recognize life as a gift to enjoy with whomever crosses you path. In time, you might want to do on your own what you both once hoped to accomplish together.

Even if you're scared and lonely, and even if you long for the past, you can still open the door a crack to this new year.

Tips to face the new year:

  • Begin by getting needed rest. If you're still exhausted from caregiving or from acute grieving, focus on physical recovery. Considering talking with your doctor about how to rebuild yourself physically.
  • Give yourself a mental rest. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations about yourself, and soothe yourself with music, prayer, uplifting literature, tears and laughter.
  • Pay attention to hope and desire. Find small practical ways to give yourself new pleasure.
  • Attend a support group or talk with friends and family members who can list and share memories.
  • Seek spiritual support from a local minister, rabbi, priest, imam.
  • Find courage to live into the future by living in the present, one day at a time. Do the best you can to care for yourself and others today.

了解安寧療護服務是否可幫助您的至親。

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